As parents, we desire to give our children the best of everything, don't we? But while our intentions are good in giving our children wonderful life experiences, sometimes we forget to ask the question: Is this what is best for my child at this time? OR Is this something I am wanting them to have for my benefit more than what is truly beneficial to them?
I have met with many wonderful families, with children who are excited to begin the journey of learning piano lessons. They arrive with great big eyes as they look at the piano, wondering what they will learn to play. Their parents walk in with big smiles, in anticipation of sitting and listening to their future little Mozart, play beautiful pieces on the piano.
Common Misconception #1: They Don't Need To Practice To Learn To Play Piano
One thing I always ask the child during that free initial consultation is: Do you play video games? And the answer is pretty much always a yes. I can see that my question is a bit intriguing....why would the piano teacher care about video games?! I go on to explain that a lot of time and practice go into playing games - video games, sports teams, or any other activity that is important. The main idea being we only improve and go to the next level if we're willing to take the time to practice! The parent usually sits in the background listening to this conversation, either smiling or nodding in agreement.
The child agrees with this philosophy, once they realize that hard work is not just reserved for school and house chores. Hard work goes into anything we desire to get better at. And so while they are young and do not fully understand what this entails for piano, they nod in agreement and they are excited about what may lie ahead.
In the next few weeks to follow this initial talk, one of two
things happen with each student.
One thing I always ask the child during that free initial consultation is: Do you play video games? And the answer is pretty much always a yes. I can see that my question is a bit intriguing....why would the piano teacher care about video games?! I go on to explain that a lot of time and practice go into playing games - video games, sports teams, or any other activity that is important. The main idea being we only improve and go to the next level if we're willing to take the time to practice! The parent usually sits in the background listening to this conversation, either smiling or nodding in agreement.
The child agrees with this philosophy, once they realize that hard work is not just reserved for school and house chores. Hard work goes into anything we desire to get better at. And so while they are young and do not fully understand what this entails for piano, they nod in agreement and they are excited about what may lie ahead.
In the next few weeks to follow this initial talk, one of two
- The child embraces the hard work, reaps the reward of moving forward, and enjoys piano.
- The child is discouraged by the work it takes to move forward, gives up, and would rather pick weeds than sit through another lesson.
It is at this point that I wait and watch to see what happens.
Cycle of Discouragement
One of the hardest things for children to understand is how to get un-stuck in a situation they feel trapped in. With regard to piano lessons, the child might work really hard in the lesson and become encouraged by their progress as a result. However, when they go home, they don't practice for a variety of reasons. They return the following week to their lesson, having regressed back further than they remembered. So, they sulk and sigh during the lesson, frustrated at having to spend the entire lesson working on what they already worked on last week! In essence, they give up. They don't see any hope of moving forward, and so they go home and find reasons not to practice. Thus, the cycle continues. Discouragement leads to not practicing which leads to not progressing week after week, etc.
Common Misconception #2: The Teacher Should Motivate My Child To Practice
This is a crucial time: how the child and parent(s) address this conflict will help determine what direction the child should and will take in his/her musical journey.
When this happens, parents will do one of three things:
The relationship between the teacher and student is important and not to be ignored. The chid may have a genuine interest in learning piano, but maybe he needs a male teacher who has a specialty in teaching cool jazz improvisations. If the child seems unmotivated, you may start by asking how comfortable the child is with his/her teacher and if they enjoy the lesson time together. A teacher who truly desires for every student to pursue the best musical path individually will completely understand if you decide to find a better match for your child. It's not personal - it's a decision to find the option (teacher, in this case) that best meets the needs for your child's musical journey.
Forcing a child to stay in something merely because "it's good for them" or because you "wish someone had forced me to take piano lessons" are not good reasons. When kids have shown great resistance, I have encouraged parents to come up with an agreement with an end date.
Common Misconception #2: The Teacher Should Motivate My Child To Practice
This is a crucial time: how the child and parent(s) address this conflict will help determine what direction the child should and will take in his/her musical journey.
When this happens, parents will do one of three things:
- Blame the teacher for not motivating their child to want to practice.
- Punish and/or guilt trip the child for not practicing.
- Brainstorm ideas with the teacher and child to figure out how to move forward.
We are all aware that children come in all different unique shapes, sizes, ideas, learning styles, communication abilities, and insight. What is fast learning for one child is extremely slow learning for another. What stimulates one will not necessarily stimulate another. Why do I bring up this obvious point? Well, because children are also motivated by different factors.
The relationship between the teacher and student is important and not to be ignored. The chid may have a genuine interest in learning piano, but maybe he needs a male teacher who has a specialty in teaching cool jazz improvisations. If the child seems unmotivated, you may start by asking how comfortable the child is with his/her teacher and if they enjoy the lesson time together. A teacher who truly desires for every student to pursue the best musical path individually will completely understand if you decide to find a better match for your child. It's not personal - it's a decision to find the option (teacher, in this case) that best meets the needs for your child's musical journey.
Another factor to consider is whether the child needs more variety in the type of music he/she is learning or whether the lesson time needs to have more movement and transitions due to a shorter attention span or a need for more stimulation.
My favorite option listed above is for the three parties involved to sit down together and discuss what is and isn't working in the lessons. If either the child or parent do not feel comfortable even addressing these issues with the teacher, then this is not a good working relationship. It is time for you to move on.
Common Misconception #3: Forcing My Child To Learn Piano Will Eventually Pay Off
Sometimes parents are so determined that their child will learn piano, that they forget one important factor: the child's enjoyment of this activity. I'm not saying that if the child has a difficult lesson or a rough week that you should instantly pull them out of piano lessons.
However, I would not recommend forcing a child to continue in lessons if they are really resistant, week after week, especially if they are younger children. Taking piano lessons -- or any musical instrument -- should be enjoyable. The child should look forward to just sitting and playing the instrument for fun, and will be proud of sharing their latest accomplishment with others. This doesn't mean that the child will love every single minute of their piano experience. Overall, the excitement and feeling of accomplishment, in addition to the desire to move further ahead, will outweigh the frustration and difficulty that occurs in different pieces of music. This is how you'll know if they are in it for the long haul.
Forcing a child to stay in something merely because "it's good for them" or because you "wish someone had forced me to take piano lessons" are not good reasons. When kids have shown great resistance, I have encouraged parents to come up with an agreement with an end date.
For example, the parents might give the child 6 months to stay in piano, and to do their part (practicing, progressing, participating in the recital, etc.), and then at the end of that time period, the child will receive some kind of reward for their hard work. In addition, the parent and child agree that at that 6-month-mark, they will reevaluate whether this is what the child wants to continue pursuing or if they are ready to move on to the next adventure. It's a win-win for everyone involved.
The more the child is able to participate in taking ownership of what he/she is participating in, the more likely he/she will be able to discern what it is they really want to learn and go after it wholeheartedly.
If you're interested in setting up a free initial consultation to see if your child is ready for piano lessons, please feel free to contact me at blessednichols@gmail.com.
